It's Complicated: It's Dark

I am a complex person and I have issues...There I said it; it’s out in the open, for everyone to read. I mostly find my thoughts all scrambled and confused, in the middle of nowhere, battling one big wave, that is going to crash me to death. And yet I find myself awake and kicking each day, every day. It’s complicated, I Know.

I have several issues that only few people know about. But I was once told to let it all out, write about it and let it in the open in order to things to start mending. So here goes nothing…

Self-esteem

I can hold my head high and walk a mile, but on the inside I feel like broken, shards of a mirror. Waiting for someone to put me back together! I let people mow me over and walk all over me. I don’t hold myself in a very high esteem. It’s not like I want to be here, but I am

Confidence

Well I can sure spell it; even understand the meaning of it, but not the gist of it, not an ounce of it in my body. I reek of low self esteem, self doubting in each and every step of my way. I can’t do a single thing for myself.

Will-power

That word is nowhere in my vocabulary. I have no self control, yeah I fondly remember that I use to have it once, but it seems that the word has turned its back on me and I just simply can’t gather it again and adorn it.

It’s a dark world where I am still on the threshold; I want to walk into the light but battling that tide. I know I have to try harder to live; otherwise I am on self destructive path.