And some more

Another day passes by and I am still in that stupid mood where I don’t find the light at the end tunnel. And I contemplate some more…. I have come to several observations and do not know how true they are
1. I am insecure
My insecurities related to everything in my life tend to overwhelm me and thus making me melancholic. I do not know if they are insecurities or just a scratch in my head. Rationally I should not be insecure… my kids love me and m family loves me; yet I do feel insecure.
2. Fear of loosing
I have this innate feeling of being left alone. I feel that if I take some one for granted may be they will leave me too. That is why I try to make them happy. I will always be scared that people whom I love will leave me
3. No will power or self control
Yeah!! That is just about right. Where do I find the time to think of these kind of things where I self depreciate myself and feel so forlorn. I need to think about everything- my goals and what I want to do for myself and my family and kids. I need to build and let my will power grow, even if I need to push my limits I need to do it and do it now!!

The loss I have felt over the years can’t be filled but why am I doing things that may harm my loved ones. After all they all want to see me happy but I being myself can’t go on soul searching trip!!!! I need to make things happen for myself. Wake up and smell the coffee and get on with the life…live a little and love some more…..don’t let people get your down!!