Lost and Found

I have thought about this a zillion times and came to the same conclusion every time.
The things that happened some 10 years back is in the past and I keep on reminding myself of the love, joy and consequent pain I got. The scars have never healed but thinking further I feel that are they really scars or fragments of the past.

I still remember the bike rides
I still feel the heat of your skin
I can feel the smell of your cigarette (however I hated it)
Still reminds me of you

I know who I am now and who you are but the never ending game of memories that distract me are often velvet and sometimes full of thorns. They do provide me with an escape from the life I fret not but wish to escape sometimes.
What is it that still binds me to you?
What is it that I still feel attracted to your essence (though not you)
What is it that my mind shatters to thousand pieces and yet I hold the ground
What is it??

Thinking aloud about this might be a crime, but I have my place to hide all this. A place that I can be whoever I want to be. Lost in the ocean I find my peace and a bit of myself again
Why can’t you leave
Why can’t I let you go
A lot of questions unanswered

I don’t need to go any further. I am already in too deep. But at the same time it is just the tip of the iceberg let it not be stirred coz it runs too deep.