In one of those moods today when I don’t know what I am doing with my life and where it is going. I am fully aware that I get into these retrospective moods quite often and most of the times I blame myself for my condition. I draw a long list of my goals and my duties, try to talk to my sister and my friends: nothing uplifts my mood. And I find myself spiraling down.
My bad mood turns into anger and frustration. I can’t take it out on any one so my kids suffer and I get another reason to blame myself. How can a person be happy all the time? What do we need and if we can’t be happy all the time we can’t be sad all the time too.
The graph can’t be a flat line it needs to go up and down. What I would really love is it to be a balanced one, at least to the point when I don’t lash out on my kids or harm myself. After all my family begins and ends with them. And when I am fully aware of it all I let an outsider put me down and destroy my inner peace!
I dig deeper!
Is it really someone else who is putting me down or is it my own demons? I need to find them and conquer. They are not only letting me fail but I can’t shape things my way. I know the answer and where to find it but my will power stagger somewhere.
EUREKA!!!
I know what I have to do for it and yet coz of my contemplative mood I am in self destructive mode… for the sake of my family, I need to fight this urge and be strong for everyone. Be calm inside and maybe just maybe I can achieve my goals...
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