The Moon

Countless words have been written
Many sonnets dedicated
Someone prays
Others miss
Few find the face of their loved obes
Rest wish to explore it more
The enigma that is the Moon.

The glow, the shine
Illuminates the poet's soul
The halo around it, yearning for more
The tidal effect
Affects those within me
It has poetry written all over.

The love affair
That is the Moon
Fading and rising
Oh! I wish if our love was like yours
Growing and fading
But always there
Even behind the clouds..

Places I don't wish to visit

Certain moments in our life leave a lasting impression on our mind. We may not be consciously affected by them but on the subconscious level they leave a lasting impression. We link these places with some of the places that may bring out the worst fear in our mind. It has never been explained but that uncanny familiarity like Déjà vu or just some sort of phobia is really something I wish to write about today.

I have linked many places with some sort of memory that I find it hard to visit again. Some are happy moments and some are downright sentimental. They all have a short story attached with it. I hope you can relate to them and appreciate the change is pace of the article.

Places that have a sad memory

Hospitals

Most people are afraid of hospitals because they relate hospitals with illness, blood and medicines. Nosocomephobia is very real and has a deep link with my childhood. I was very young when my mother was diagnosed with a life threatening illness. At first I did not understand why my parents left me and went alone for so long. It was only later on when I grew up a little that I realized, we would not have my mother with us for long.

At first visiting her in the hospital was fun as we use to ride up and down in the elevator and sitting in the food cafeteria and eating was so much cool. The clean environment and the sanitized linen was somehow a comfort. It was later when I had to see my mother suffer and go through pain; I associated Hospitals with just pain and too much pain.

I lost my mother while she was in my lap, not because of any negligence from the hospital or the doctors but I lost her because there was nothing more that could be done to improve her health. Even today whenever I need to visit someone in the Hospital I have goosebumps and my heart starts pumping loudly. I feel scared that once you enter the hospital for illness, you would never come out of it alive and the people who suffer are the ones who are left behind.

Praying places

People usually go to these places as they consider them sacred. A place of sanctity! I am afraid to visit a place like this because I have always felt that we go to God when we are in trouble. We pray and pray and it is all but a lie. We pray for our happiness and we pray for materialistic things. I am scared to see so much of pain in the world that the most crowded place is the one place that should offer peace. I am scared to see so much of unhappiness that we need to ask God. Why can’t we talk to him daily and say thank you for giving me this life?

Elevators

I am a bit of claustrophobic and small elevators freak me out. They have so many people in a small area. Most importantly some of them are a bit of a ride with bumps. We are running against the gravity, suspended in mid air and supported my some metal wires on an electric pulley. Don’t mind my thought, if you can handle that it’s your choice, I prefer stairs!

Places that have happy memory

Such places are rare. These places which have happy memories, I am scared to visit again because I don’t wish to taint it with a new one. I like my old thought to remain there so that I can remember it fondly.

My school and my college

Beside the education I had a lot of fun in school. I found my support group, my friends who have seen me and who have been a part of my journey for so long. The class bunks, the serious discussions with our seniors, the corridors where we were punished and the teachers who mentored us. They are quite remarkable memories and I am afraid that if I visit them again they might bring tears to my eyes.

Friend’s hangouts

So much goes on at the friend’s hangout place. I would hang out there with friends more than I would attend the class. Eating junk food and making plans for the next day and circling the classes to miss and fighting over crushes! The place held our secrets. It was a home away from home. And now I would rather not visit that place because we have all grown up and we could not have that time back. I would rather make new memories of another place but that special place would always be sacred to me.

Places that outright scares me

There are many places that truly scare me. I would rather never experience them at all.

Adventure parks

Places that are home to rollercoaster and haunted house are not only scary to me, I believe there are many who get scared.  I know it is just a ride and all safety measures are taken, I still feel scared to even observe.

Paranormal Activity

It is fascinating as far as I read about them, but I would be too scared to feel it in person. A place where there is a hint of paranormal activity is another place that is downright scary.

Even though the list is compiled as per my opinion, would still like to believe that I cannot be spooked that easily. We all have a part to play and we just need to make our will strong and do what is right. Don’t be scared to try new thing or visit new place. Have fun while you are at it.

My Life Without Her

We value the thing only after we have lost it. I was never close to her but when she got sick I realized my life would never be the same again. My father, grandparents and aunts have never let me feel that I lost her, but when in silence I think about it, that void could never be filled.  Her last words still echo and now I realize how much pain she might be in to let go of all the free will. To let go of life that she wanted to be able to nurture her kids. Now when I am a mother, I know how much disappointed and lost she might be feeling knowing she could never witness her daughter’s life.  After all it is the greatest pleasure to be a part of your child’s life.

I have always wondered and sometimes even imagined how my life would have been if she was still with me!

I would always have someone to look up to, ask silly questions, and someone who could guide me constantly. How to behave in front of what kind of people! I don’t mean to say that I do not know how to do it; maybe my life would have been a bit different if she was still with me.

Every day I would  have talked to her asking about what should I do about my health, my body, my weight etc., after all who would know better than her to know what would suit me and help me improve my health.

What clothes should I wear, she always thought I looked nice in dresses; she never got to see me wear sarees. She would have been so proud to see me wear one and how elegant I look. I could never be as graceful as she was but she would have liked that.

How to tackle my kids when they are unruly, she would have had the perfect way, as she was a teacher and she did manage to make me into what I am.

All these things are nothing, they don’t mean as much as the presence of you in my life. My life without you is not bad or incomplete. It would surely have been so much better and wholesome if I still had you in my life. The constant companion and my best friend!

I have been trying to be a lot like you and mixing my own personality and I am sure you would be happy and proud of what I have become. But it never can mean that I don’t miss you.

The Uneventful Event

When you are an artist and you are trying to move beyond friends and family and expand your followers you would like to grab any opportunity you could get.

I recently decided to join a women’s club where the sole purpose was to give opportunities to women entrepreneurs. After much cajoling and coaxing I decided to take the plunge and intuitively joined the group.  I paid a small amount to get into a whatsapp group where I am allowed to share only 2 posts per day. In today’s time where people simply vomit out anything and everything in these groups I was allowed to post just 2?

I went a step further and paid another fee to put up a stall at an event that was primarily an extended Kitty party. The first did not seem as much of an evil as to what I witnessed at party. Let me put it this way... ladies of all age and size spend money to enter this event, look at none of the stalls as they might have to pay a small amount on them where as they spent thousands on getting all dolled up and looking like male up queens!

Is this what our generation is all about? To look beautiful with nothing inside. Whatever happened to beauty and brains or just the brains?  The whole event (a beauty pageant) was a set up. And people who had paid to put up a stall were left flabbergasted because no one was interested in looking at the things that were displayed but were more interested in displaying themselves. Is this what our society has come to?

The issue was never about expanding my horizon but how pretty I looked (I was asked to wear pretty clothes). And on top of that I was told not to lose heart. Things like this happen. I learnt something that day- never put your efforts in the hands of a someone who doesn’t care about anything but the looks. And that an even where the display is not the main attractions. It is never a great idea to say yes to them!

Soul Searching

I have been having a nagging feeling for the last few days that something is not right. In a bid to search for the seed of my anxiety and this ever dwindling faith I dig deep. There are many factors that have been a bit of bother to me. And despite being in touch with Divine way of living and constantly writing my prayers I feel that I am not living up to my potential. I am too bound by the negative energies. These negative energies are not coming from anywhere else but within me.
 I do good but then take pride in it. I tried to mend some relationships and started feeling not good but proud and then I felt confused ,whether it was a good thing or was it worth and even nervous about how would I react when I come face to face with those people. We reap what we sow!Lesson Learnt : DO good and let it go,don't over think! Go with the Flow!
I always felt that it is my thinking that is right for me. I still think the same but I don't think that openly about what other might be suggesting and yes I am working on that too. Even though I don't agree to them , that does not give me the right to demean that thought because I have no idea what the other person might be feeling when they have said those things. Feeling hurt is natural but then talking more and more about it and stating over and over again about how bad I felt about it is another way of adding more power to already negative thing. Lesson Learnt: If I don't like it, I don't need to dwell on it!
Many of us walk on the same path and then falter and get back up. If someone is pointing a finger that does not mean I need to do the same. More I talk wrong or even feel wrong about a certain statement or certain words I am focusing on the other and not on me! I need to work on me and not the other. Lesson Learnt: Focus on me!
A Lot of things don't work out as we want. No two people think alike so why get angry that the other person is behaving in a certain manner. I am not the master of them. Let them do. They know better. But then I start questioning what should I do with my kids who need guidance. And here only I find that difference. I can guide them but not control! All the difference lies in the use of the word. So why not bring that difference in practice. Lesson Learnt: You cant control any one but can guide(only if they are willing to take it)
We all get anxious from time to time and no one can blame the other for it, so if I am anxious so the other person has the right o feel so.Why to call out the person for it.If I am talking to someone then I am also adding more to it. Feel it and then let it go. Lesson Learnt : No One should be told about how they should feel. Focus on your own doing and not the other person's.

There is a long way for me to be happy but I feel so light after writing this in a hope that I am on the right path again. I will reach there where I no longer feel overwhelmed, confused and Anxious.!
To a better me! Pray and let go of things!

Nurture

we have all heard the phrase- Nature nurtures!
The other day while I was on my morning walk , I noticed the flight of the pigeons.
There is a small feeding area designated for birds, where people offer seeds to these pigeons. and I could not help but notice that while a man was feeding to these birds, they usually flew away, thinking that this man might hurt them, but as soon as they realized that he is simply giving them food; they actually flew back!
And a thought came to my mind. we human being (those who do not have any malign thoughts) are somewhat like these pigeons. We at first might get scared of the love we receive from someone. But once we become sure, we usually return to the same person for more. That is how love nurtures the soul! like pigeon , we must always return to the love!

My journey week what>>>

Well , Well Well?

yeah I Know, I have not been able to post any thing online for so many weeks. The reason being not because I stopped in between, but coz of various reasons We have not been regular any more. Mostly due to social obligations!

Any how, I am happy to report: 

1. I have not had noodles since we started (OK! maybe once or twice) not counting during my poor health!

2. I can feel my body change! and my mood too!

3. I actually wait for the morning to go for my workout session.( something I never did before)

4. Most importantly I have realized that doing work out in the morning is way better than in the evening and doing it in the fresh air is more yielding than at home...

5. My sir, who is amazing BTW! he has gone back home and is helping me out through various videos and his own inputs can actually feel that these exercises are actually helping me. 

6. I can now hold a plank for 30 sec and more..

7. Despite my poor health I still try to drink a lot of water and squeeze in some workout!

Hope this continues and not dwindle down.

P.S : thank you sir, for being persistent and being strict and easy as and when required!